Alpha Magazine

A proven and repeated drug-taker who is keen to resume working for a company that bans drug-taking, has become angry that the company will make sure he isn’t still taking drugs when he comes to work for them again. “I can’t believe it,” said the potential employee. “Just because I’ve…

Not long ago, along with many other media outlets, commentators, ex-players and other esteemed experts, the Bucket may have given the impression that it wasn’t looking forward to seeing the great spinning master Jason Krejza play his first Test match. Headlines such as “Anyone But Jason”, “Who Is This Idiot”,…

In his pursuit of cheap wealth through gambling, the Bucket has already been sadly humbled. Part one of his carefully thought-out trifecta (a team of English toddlers to beat the Wallabies for the Creche Cup) went west last night thanks to Matt Giteau, leaving only Fiji to beat the Kangaroos…

Australia, traditionally able to win any number of cricket matches without an all-rounder, is now twisting itself in knots trying to choose between two of them, both capable of malfunctioning at any minute. In the red corner (naturally) we have Andrew “Bruiser” Symonds, moody, athletic fish botherer with “undisclosed” misdemeanours…

Featured in the November issue of Alpha (call (02) 9288 3099 if you haven’t got it, back issue fans), our tough list was a result of weeks of arguments and shouting among Alpha staff. You can still click here to have a look at the list, read people’s many, many…

The Wallabies’ rugby tour is – like Movember – a bit hairy, slow-going and worthy, but sometime at Christ-I-should-really-get-to-bed o’clock on Sunday morning, the men in green and gold will actually play a game against the Poms with a little bit of interest in it. Both sides have seen big…

With Allan Border thinking furious thoughts, Brendan Julian saying things went “wrong” and Jeff Thomson announcing that everything was completely f*&%ed, before asking what the question was again, the race is on to find the ex-player who is being most scathing about the Australian cricket team. After a Test match…

In the best proof yet that the Rugby League World Cup has big ears, a squeaky voice, a big theme park in Florida and has never yet raised a laugh in 75 years of family entertainment, Gorden Tallis has been wheeled out to defend the RLWC. “It isn’t Mickey Mouse,”…

Fears were growing last night that the BCCI monster had in fact escaped and was roaming across the land doing what the hell it liked. “There is no stopping the Board of Control for Cricket in India,” said a spokesman. “It’s huge and arrogant and makes a terrible complaining noise…