Alpha Magazine

The financial world was reeling last night after an unknown punter placed a small bet on the Australian cricket team to win the Test series in India. “It was madness,” said a top financial analyst (Brad from the local TAB). “He just came in, happy as you please, and put…

Ah, spring. That special point in the year. Time to put Poochy the hot-water bottle cover back in the cupboard; time to find out which of your eight sunscreen bottles have still got sunscreen in; a time when every bird seems to be singing, “I love you.” And, of course,…

The Rugby World Cup created a new class in Australian society. An invisible class – you knew they were there; sometimes they asked for change on street corners. You would see them sat in the park, hoping the pigeons would accept food from them. On bad days, kids would poke…

Sports people are a funny lot. By funny, of course, the Bucket doesn’t mean, “Jesus, that’s gold, it’s all in the delivery, I think I’ve had an accident down below.” No, from the serious face on most sweaty folk with microphones under their nose, you’d think they were talking year-on-year…

On the day that some top scientists (so THEY say) had a couple of beers and thought it would be “neat” to smash protons into each other thus creating black holes capable of sucking the world into them, the sporting universe also smashed into itself, creating widespread weirdness. As confidently…

As of yesterday, the Bucket is pleased to announce its return to fourth-division over-45s roller hockey; he does so for many reasons: environmental, legal and religious. The Bucket may no longer be in the fine shape he was when named “best reverse back forward goal hare 1984”, but feels the…

Freaky Friday, though. The charming tale of a mother and daughter who wake up one morning to discover they’ve switched bodies. Not as good as the 1976 version starring Jodie Foster, but still good enough to get way more of Sydney’s attention than what the Swans did to the Kangaroos…

Scene 1: A dimly lit boardroom somewhere to the west of Sydney. Let’s call it “Penrith”. Several smartly dressed bulky men in ill-fitting suits are sat around a shiny faux-beech table. Through an interior window can be seen the winking lights of pokies, although no-one is playing them. The sight…

As the Bucket writes this (breathlessly), Australia have just started their innings in the third and final fishing contest against Bangladesh, leaving the Territory’s millions of cricket fans and escaped criminals very disappointed. Australia, of course, are missing Symonds, Lee, Hayden and Ponting, choosing instead to field two promising seven-year…