No Ordinary Pool Car

Finally, after several years of suffering the indignities of bicycles and public transport, Alpha has its very own official vehicle to cruise about in. And it’s not just any vehicle. Hummer’s new H3 is the world’s most impressive and desirable pool car, and it’s useful too. It can ferry an entire photo shoot to its location, including several giggling hotties.

Mountain Adventure

Sadly, my trial run in the new wheels didn’t feature any hotties at all, unless you count my aunt over from the UK, who does, however, still send me a £10 note in a card on my birthday. She wants to see the Blue Mountains, even though it’s raining. On the way, we sit in a traffic jam. It rains harder. “Welcome to Australia,” I say. “Just like the postcards, isn’t it?”

Off-Road

At Wentworth Falls, I go off-road, partly to demonstrate what the Hummer can do, and partly to show my relative a bit of the real Australia. We grind along in bouncy comfort. As a newbie, getting on a track by myself gets me in less of a sweat than the roads, mainly because I’m just not used to driving anything so big. Looking into the rear view mirror is like gazing through the wrong end of a telescope. Things in mirrors are sometimes closer than they appear, but the back end of a Hummer seems a very long way away.

Easy Does It

The other effect is that kids love Hummers. It’s a big toy and they want one. At least twice I glance sideways at traffic lights and see some ankle-biter saying something through the window, eyes wide. Yes, he could be saying “dummer”, but it’s probably Hummer. Off-road, the beast feels fat and comfy, easing its way through potholes and other obstacles with stately confidence. We are well insulated. Somewhere out there is bad weather and a slippery road, but in here the heritage of military-grade design and GM comfort tell me everything will be fine. Such a shame Alpha wants its pool car back Monday morning.

What is a Hummer?

Let’s start with what it isn’t: People still call them Humvees, but Hummer has always been the official brand of the civilian version, the first of which trundled out in 1992. And the Hummer is not just a Humvee with a paint job and the guns taken off. The latest generation, the H3, weighs 2178kg, is 4.7m long and 1.98m wide, has a fuel capacity of 87 litres, a 3.7-litre engine and is designed to be both an on- and off-road vehicle. The original Humvee weighs 2340kg, is 4.6m long, 2.1m wide, has a 6.2-litre diesel engine and carries 95 litres of fuel, and has been used to carry troops, automatic weapons, missiles, the wounded and more.