LZR Racer Suit

Michael Phelps said he felt like a rocket the moment he hit the water in his Speedo LZR racer suit – an appropriate analogy given NASA had a hand in developing it. The suit is ultrasonically welded (whatever that means) to make it seamless and sheds water like a squirt of Raid does mozzies. But is it fair? Depends whether you value medals over a level playing field, doesn’t it?

Wetsuits

To pee or not to pee? That is the question facing every wetsuit-wearer as they await the perfect wave. Pee, and your suit will warm, but sharks will be attracted. Hold it in, and you’ll get chilly, but sharks will ignore you. And to think, this neoprene conundrum has only been around since the 1950s, when wetsuits first appeared.

Skins

Sportsmen and women in just about every major Aussie sport now wear Skins, an Aussie-designed product that provides “body moulded gradient compression”. That’s boffin speak for keeping your blood flow up so your muscles don’t get so tired.

Sports Bra

Before 1977, women jiggled when they jogged. Then came the sports bra (dubbed the Jogbra) and today we’re, um, reliably informed there’s a range of sports bras designed for different sports.

Fireproof Suits

Today’s multi-layered fireproof motorsport suits can withstand an inferno for 40 seconds. A far cry from the old days when, as former Aussie driving ace Frank Gardner put it recently, drivers were alight if they “walked past glow-worms”.

Seal Suit

In 2000, the Adidas Seal Suit, as worn by Ian Thorpe, was as revolutionary as the LZR is today. But it caused little furore, perhaps because fashionistas such as Thorpey always like to be seen in black.

Jockey Vests

If falling from your million-dollar mount doesn’t maim you, the thundering thoroughbreds bringing up the rear surely will. Fortunately, since ’05, all Aussie jockeys have been required to wear special vests to protect their rib cages, lower backs and shoulders.

Swift Suit

Australia was shocked when Cathy Freeman hit the track for the Sydney Olympic 400m final dressed in… What the hell was that futuristic hoodie, anyway? Turns out it was a revolutionary Nike Swift Suit, with different fabrics in different spots to reduce overall drag. The psyche-out factor wasn’t half effective, either.

Speed Skiing Suit

Michael Milton compares speed skiing to drag racing. It’s ironic, then, that his swish red suit is designed to reduce drag. The latex on Milton’s outfit is ultra-tight to prevent air filling it at speeds of 200km/h, and contains non-flammable pads to protect him from friction burns if he crashes. Spoilers are optional… Seriously, you can get a suit with leg fins.

Wallabies Jersey

How about this for techo gobbledegook about the skin-tight Wallabies jersey from last year’s World Cup campaign: apparently, the material produced a “negative ion charge, stimulating blood flow and speeding up lactic acid removal”. Shame it didn’t work on our players’ tickers.