Alpha Magazine

In the best proof yet that the Rugby League World Cup has big ears, a squeaky voice, a big theme park in Florida and has never yet raised a laugh in 75 years of family entertainment, Gorden Tallis has been wheeled out to defend the RLWC. “It isn’t Mickey Mouse,”…

Fears were growing last night that the BCCI monster had in fact escaped and was roaming across the land doing what the hell it liked. “There is no stopping the Board of Control for Cricket in India,” said a spokesman. “It’s huge and arrogant and makes a terrible complaining noise…

Confirming the superior status of the RLWC, following the Kangaroos’ belting of second-favourite England, coach Ricky Stuart has decided to let the lesser-known members of his squad play against Papua New Guinea. “There’s not a player that doesn’t deserve a Test match and they’ll be all getting it next week,”…

The scene: a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (OK, Delhi, yesterday about teatime). A young hero, dressed all in white, sits in a humble desert dwelling, throwing a small ball in the air. JK: Spin, damn it. Why won’t you spin? Just then the door opens…

The third India-Australia Test in Delhi has EXPLODED into a cauldron of slaps, tickles, nudges, name-calling, tears and handbag-related altercations, as cricket showed once again why it was the very toughest sport in the whole world. The controversy started yesterday when bowler Simon Katich couldn’t get out century maker Gautam…

Nick D’Arcy’s fairytale return to the community was made complete today, with the news that he is to be given the keys to the city, as well as a car, a pretty good beach house and the choice of the three spunkiest contestants from the swimwear comp at his local…

Paceman Stuart Clark was this morning found face down on the ground inside a cricket net, after apparently having bowled all day and right through the night without a single break, in order to prove his fitness. Clark, whose elbow is now the most talked-about body part since Mrs Bobbitt…

The publication yesterday of the AOC’s list of the “100 Greatest Olympians” has made it absolutely clear that athletes can no longer enter the games with the hope of merely competing with the motto “higher, faster, stronger” running through their heads. Now they must compete – and win - “on…

The Bucket, after close consultation with its Big Bosses (a verbal and physical kicking the Bucket may take days to recover from), several banks of not very friendly lawyers and a lot of red-faced suits at Cricket Australia, have come to realise the following. The fourth day of the second…