Alpha Magazine

Rumours are flying around the NRL Grand Final that this will be the first in which no footy ball will be used at all. Instead, the greatest spectacle on the league calendar is to be a giant cage-fight, between the grappling beasts of Melbourne and the Jiu-Jitsu living weapons of…

To the excitement of several thousand PR wonks, busily typing an infinite number of press releases, several passers-by and a cow in a nearby paddock that may or may not have been paying attention, the two new additions to the A-League have been unveiled: The Gold Coast Cash-Rollers and the…

In among all the shouting, stamping of feet, replays in slow, loving motion of Sam Thaiday wriggling like a surprisingly fat fish in Cam Smith’s meathooks and suits threatening each other with punishments so horrible small children faint when they hear them, it’s nice to remember there’s a bloody good…

The demand for adult prams and adult playrooms has reached an all-time high in the Melbourne area. The run started at the weekend, when a big baby was told that one of his friends had behaved very badly indeed while playing a game of rugby league and instead of being…

The cricket tour of India is barely under way and “already” (as if there are gentleman’s rules for these things) the mind games have begun. Disappointingly, this doesn’t mean Mike Hussey was late for breakfast because someone slipped a Sudoko under his door. No, this means someone complained about something,…

With most games of footy there’s no problem: the car gets a bit stuck in traffic, you and the kids get a pie, the players run out and start bashing into each other – everyone’s a winner. The trouble with a grand final is that it’s VERY IMPORTANT. Way too…

On a day when the Alpha team wonders who is the toughest Aussie sportsman of recent times (someone suggested Kim Hughes as “ironically tough”, but we didn’t get it), and a brave man suspended himself upside down above New York for three days, risking organ failure and stroke (and in…

With only two years to go until the next football World Cup, the money spinning, er, nonsense, er, fundamentals are already being put into place. FIFA’s extravaganza takes place in South Africa in 2010, although the South African team is threatening not to qualify for it and the stadiums and…

The Bucket, safe in his comfy armchair, with a cold beer and the remote sitting conveniently on its own special cushion, is concerned that rugby league is getting way too soft these days. After Cam Smith’s apparent, alleged, possibly, maybe grapple tackle (does that cover us with the lawyers?) on…