To the excitement of several thousand PR wonks, busily typing an infinite number of press releases, several passers-by and a cow in a nearby paddock that may or may not have been paying attention, the two new additions to the A-League have been unveiled: The Gold Coast Cash-Rollers and the North Queensland Not-Cowboys. And already, there’s a fierce rivalry between the two.
Scary-rich Clive Palmer, owner of the Cash-Rollers, stepped elegantly from his solid diamond helicopter to reveal the plans that will turn his club from non-existent into champions of the universe in six months. These include a Michelin-starred chef for each player, hand-stitched cushions in the change rooms and regular motivation hypnotherapy sessions from Presto the Magician, flown in from the Bamboo Room in Vegas.
In comparison, Not-Cowboys chairman Don Matheson knows he’s up against it. “Do your research on the success of certain marquee players - it doesn’t always guarantee success,” he blustered bravely as Palmer searched for the numbers of Ronaldinho, Kaka and Pele in his solid silver BlackBerry.
But Matheson has an ace up his sleeve; he may not have millions, but he does have… (Bucket’s memory fails him as he fumbles for the bit of paper) Ian Ferguson! “He is an astute judge of the game, and was a great player,” said Matheson, clicking on the “F” section of Wikipedia and wondering if Man Utd would be prepared to let the other Ferguson have a busman’s holiday in North Queensland.