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The beers are being chilled, the snags are in the freezer and your mates are on the way over. The only way footy finals time could get any better is by grabbing the latest copy of ALPHA. If footy is religion then it’s only natural that two Saints grace this…
Australia’s Loss
Now that the slavering media-pack outside the Michael Clarke-Lara Bingle house have got a top scoop by carefully filming a removal truck pick up a bunch of bats and scuffed cricket pads, we, the public must come to a terrible conclusion: It’s time to look somewhere else for Australia’s Posh and Becks.
Because God knows we need one. If the UK can boast an overhyped, money-hungry, red-carpet-walking, gossip-column-bothering couple of dubious appeal and talent, then damn it, so can we.
Frankly, the fact that Bingle and Clarke will no longer be inhabiting every other newspage, Twitter line, airwave and Fox Sports bulletin will come as a shock to everyone who’s come to know and love them. Especially those who love the Australian cricket team and enjoy the sight of its second-best player storming out of the team hotel yet again to hold his fiancée’s hand.
So. The search is on. Will Judd and Twigley step up to the plate? Can Fevola and his wife become the glamour couple? Maybe Harry Kewell and his wife wouldn’t mind moving back here to become the subject of dumb speculation every time one of them goes to the shop. Can someone, somewhere please help us out?
“He’s had to leave the tour, so (his personal life) has encroached on his cricket.”
The devastating insight we’ve come to expect from Mark Waugh.
Chris Judd has denied being a weak captain. In an interview, the Carlton skip has described the strong action he took on Brownlow night, as Brendan Fevola ran amok. “I punched him on the shoulder and said, ‘Mate, you’re hilarious. Keep going. Why don’t you have another beer or two?’” After that, said Judd, he went straight to bed, so whatever happened after isn’t his fault. “I tried to stop him. Didn’t I? Anyway, everything’s fine now.”
He’s coming back! Oh, happy day. Rumours are everywhere – and we’ll take those rumours as fact – that Tiger Woods will be making a discreet re-entry to golf on March 25. This gives fans at the Arnold Palmer Invitational only a few days to write up big, helpful signs like “In The Hole!” “Quiet: Genius At Work”, “Tiger: See You Behind The Clubhouse In Twenty Minutes!” and “Give me $10 Million Or I go To NBC”. Can’t wait.
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