Finally! The media has discovered what the Olympics is all about. Is it winning? (Pantomime audience response from all) Noooo! Is it taking part? Noooo. What is it, then? We don’t knoooow. Actually, it’s love.
Not that the Chinese media are reporting on it (or anything beyond what the glorious leader had for breakfast), but the IOC hands out umpteen thousand condoms to the Olympic village before the games and none – NONE of them get handed back again. Come for the medals, stay for the jiggy-jig.
And now rumours are sweeping the world that medal/ excitement/ sex machine Michael Phelps has been partying (shocked gasp) with a mystery beauty, and that beauty could be (double shocked gasp) Stephanie Rice. “I’ve had a lot of water, now it’s just time to relax a bit,” says the medal etc machine. It must be true, you read it here. Meanwhile, the Sports Bucket and Eamon Sullivan are off to the bar to get drunk together.

We are hopeful people associated with rugby league can put together a package for Greg to be suitably remunerated in the game.

Storm CEO Brian Waldron starts praying to the god of salary caps

Fans, Cricket Australia and the media are combining to make this the “easiest” possible time for Brett Lee as his marriage disintegrates. In the olden days, we would never even have been told about it.
Buddy Franklin under attack! From friendly fans! On the verge of kicking his 100th goal, the Hawthorn player will be protected by noble colleagues when he does it. Pitch invasions are being strongly discouraged. Yeah, that’ll work.