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Every month, Alpha is the only companion you need for the month in sport, in Australia and around the world. We bring you not just a handy guide to what’s on, but exclusive interviews, fantastic photos, big features, plus a few laughs, training tips, fashion, gear, gadgets, food and booze,…
It’s All Too Late
Last night, thanks to widespread incompetence, a young Australian child was bundled out of the Australian Open tennis. Bernard Tomic, 4, was playing a match he surely could have won, if only organisers had scheduled it between 12 and 4pm, including a special break so he could have a feed and a burp and a nap. Instead, the bungling bunglers put him on second at night, meaning poor little Bernie was left yawning and rubbing his little eyes until 2am.
“After 1am, 2am, for a 4-year-old to go out and play, it’s difficult,” said the little lad, adding the point that, as a small child, he had every right to tell organisers exactly what they should do with their stupid tournament, so there. “For the people I requested to play during the day, and it didn’t happen, I think it’s ridiculous.”
Little Bernie then shrugged on his Rebound Ace overcoat and went off to talk to Lleyton Hewitt about the fine art of complaining about every single damn thing imaginable and generally carrying on as though you were the king of the world, instead of a well-paid tennis player.
“Everyone wants him back.”
Geoff Ogilvy wants the Tiger Woods feeding frenzy to happen as soon as possible.
Fast-breaking news that off-contract league player Johnathan Thurston may be signing forms to play professional basketball soon. “He’s certainly a very good league player,” said an insider, earlier. “I see no reason why he can’t be like Michael Jordan or whatever.” This scotches other rumours that Thurston would be topping the world pro golf rankings, after picking up a three-iron for the first time over the weekend. “He’s really keen to try out a golf course soon,” said yet another bloke I made up just then. “We fully expect him to win the US Open.”
Not often we mention, or even know how to spell Business Review Weekly, but it’s just published a fascinating list of sport’s top earners, including the top 10 Aussies. Norman is No.1 and probably will be until he’s dead or gets married another eight times. But, before you click on this helpful link, can you name the others? Here’s a couple of clues: Andrew Bogut is No.2, and despite all the Clarke-Bingle fuss and noise, there’s not a single cricketer up there.
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Comments
On 23 January 2010 Dave Collander says:
First of all little ‘Bern’ insults our Lleyton then has the bottle to attack Oz open organisers. Maybe Bernice and his crew should realise this is the Australian Open, as in open age, welcome to the big time pup.
On 4 February 2010 leo says:
get over you’re playing with the big boys now and u dont see them complaining about the time they play