Although the London Olympics don’t start for two whole years, according to my big ticking Olympics watch, Australia’s biggest prospect and finest athlete (it says here) Jana Rawlinson, has started her preparations early.
For years, the season of the Games has been marked by a seemingly endless series of comedy mishaps and capers from Rawlinson. The press have taken to following her around, just to see what she’d do next to make sure she never, ever won the gold medal she wants so dearly. But now she’s caught everyone by surprise by announcing that her breast implants are coming out in the name of Olympic glory. “I loved having bigger boobs but I’m back to being as flat as a pancake,” she told an excited nation, as everyone wondered when exactly she’d be picking up the next foot injury, knee injury, or slating a few athletes who’d wandered into her line of sight.
In other news, Rawlinson announced that, as soon as her divorce from British hurdler Chris Rawlinson was finalised, she’d be marrying British hurdler Chris Rawlinson. Can’t wait for two more years of this.